I cook a lot and post most of my dishes. I have my, as I call them, “crash test dummies” who taste my creations and give me feedback. Like anyone, I have cooking fails, things that work perfectly in my mind but in reality, I should have edited myself or given it some more thought before heading to the kitchen. Below are just a few of my kitchen fails.

Mushroom crab casserole: My first try was dry, one note, and mushy. What I did wrong was fail to include a cream sauce that would have made the dish. Next time I’ll add a mornay sauce to tie the dish together, or at the very least, cream of mushroom soup with some cheese.

Macarons: I have tried making these at least six times, and all I get is flat sugar blobs, not the fluffy cloud-like wafers. I have yet to make it to the filling round of the game. I know it is something with my equipment, my technique, or my skill, or all of the above. My daughter can produce them, and she owns a Kitchen Aid, so maybe my $18 dollar grocery store on Thanksgiving day mixer is not enough of a tool for whipping a meringue. So if you hear a frustrated “damn you macaron,” it came from my house.

Christmas goose: This is long ago and far away, but this was all on me. I thought it was a big chicken or an odd shaped turkey. I did not know about the fat content under the skin which means more cooking time at a lower temperature to render out the fat. Then I didn’t know that you need high heat to crisp the skin. Oh and the stuffing, where do you think that fat settles? All in all, not something my family requests for Christmas dinner.

The famous plastic spoon incident: You haven’t heard about this one through legend and story? I make good homemade fudge. I use the same recipe, the same pan, the same routine. Now, fudge needs to boil for five minutes being stirred constantly. Ok, so I didn’t use my usual wooden spoon. Here is where the spoon comes in; the mixture in the pan is about 250 degrees even when the chocolate chips are added. Which is the only time you would notice the spoon melting because the liquid is white. C’mon, do you ever notice your spoon shrinking? So I was noticing the white drops in the fudge, looked at my melting spoon, and proceeded to go to the store to get things for a new batch.

The collapsing chocolate cake: You have no doubt heard of the dessert “Death by Chocolate.” My young-at-the-time daughters and I tried to do our version of the cake. We baked two 9 x 13 layers of rich chocolate cake, added chocolate frosting, chocolate ganache, and then we added candy, lots of candy. We added Snicker bars, Whoppers, Reese’s cups, Hershey bars, Three Musketeers, M & M’s, and any other chocolate bar we had. Then the cake collapsed under the weight of all the chocolate leaving a sink hole in the middle of the cake. It tasted fantastic, but looked really like an earthquake had demolished it.

So I have now admitted my failures. I hope you enjoy my embarrassing moments. Feel free to share yours.